Thirtytwo Teeth Crew 940

If you’re like me, and I know you are, you tend to take the doucherati and smarm found on the internet with about as much of a grain of salt as, say, the judge at Lindsay Lohan’s trial.  Cada vez un cuando, I see something out there in the abysmal series of tubes that takes it to the next level.

I stumbled up on this particular column, of which I will soon reveal, while perusing Stevil’s site, as I tend to do around 8:30 am after having been at work for roughly and hour and finding myself with 7 remaining hours with nothing to do.   Its damn tolerable, so I advise you to check it out.   Moreover, he found it on the Car Whisperer’s site.

Well, theone who the Car Whisperer names their “Asshole of the Week” is none other than D. Dowd Muska.  Here’s a photo.  If this grosses you out, go look at Russell Crowe’s asshole for 5 minutes and take a cold shower.  You’ll be fine.  I’m not actually going to post a photo of this guy on my blog.  Its my fucking blog, so you get pictures of cool stuff, like this:

Anywhoo, so now’s the time where you should read the column, so I can proceed to say how much it sucks and you’ll know what I’m talking about.  Ok….go.

Now, for starters, riding bikes on busy streets is retarded.  I don’t commute to work (by bike) because it defeats the purpose of going to work in the first place.  I go to work, to make money, to feed my family.  I have life insurance, but I like to think that, in general, I’m more valuable to them alive.

All of that having irregardleslly been said, people who do commute to work by bike, and don’t have mouths to feed, are awesome.  The fact that we, as a society, are becoming more bike friendly is awesome.

Muska goes one to quote sources so to indicate that cyclists are rude and arrogant.  I really can’t argue with this.  Direct your attention to the 32T slogan located at the top of your browser.  Thanks.

I should probably wrap this up before I alienate all my meat-eating hippie friends.

Here’s to a weekend of our kids paying bills, driving cars and changing our diapers, so we adults have time to ride our bikes.

They’s dry dirt out in they stompin’ grounds.  Put some rubber on it.  And for those of you scoring at home, 2 wheels good; four wheels bad.  …as long as they’re on dirt.

xoxo,

Johnny

Tags: All Hail the Black Market, Car Whisperer, D. Dowd Muska, Lindsay Lohan, Muska, Stevil

If you’re like me, and I know you are, mountain bikes are the only appropriate way to truly enjoy cycling.  Anything else is just filler.

 Today, between regularly scheduled business and business (toilet or otherwise), I stumbled upon Stevil’s lastest rant, much to my dismay?

“You know, on my Wednesday afternoon solo speed cycle ride in my stretchy pants and tap shoes I began reflecting on all of the bitching I’ve seen and heard the past few years about the explosion of tarck bikes and those who love them. It occurred to me that 20 some odd years ago, a common topic among my two wheeled brethren and myself was that we all wished there were more folks who rode bikes thereby creating a greater visual presence which we hoped would result in a more common understanding and acceptance of our ilk. Today, as in this very moment, there are more folks riding bikes, and appreciating bikes, which is in fact creating a louder dialog among city planners and so fourth than I’ve ever seen before, but simultaneously I hear a bunch of clap trap about ’stupid fixter this, and stupid fakenger that.’
Of course these folks aren’t the only newish group who are in our fold, but they seem to be on the receiving end of a bulk of the ire, and frankly, I just don’t get it.
More people on bikes?
Check.
A boost to the industry and the lifestyle which we hold so dear?
Check.
More bike shops, alley cat races (and bike events in general), and a greater visual presence?
Check, and check, even if the presence (see: acceptance) is in tiny, and sometimes unrecognizable increments.

More people are on bikes now than ever in my lifetime, but they’re not on the right kind of bikes, or their clothes are silly, or they don’t embrace the history which we take so seriously, or they take themselves too seriously, and they don’t have that right because they’ve only been riding for a year…

Anyway, if anybody can explain to me what the big deal is, I’m all ears.

Ears and eyebrows.

Dr. Stevil Phil

And that reminds me, I have big eye brows. Well, truthfully, I have one big eyebrow, and sometimes when I ride it gets filled with sweat and man, when I’m peacefully riding along and that dam breaks, It’s like getting a vile of vodka and cat urine dumped in my eyes.

It’s a wonder I’ve not met up with a business end of a ditch because of it.

Ok, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Back to business.”

Well I’ll be damned.   Lets back this trainwreck of a truck up right now!

xoxo,

Johnny

Tags: fixed gear bicycle, HTABL, Stevil, your mom